Mad Bond
by megacoldfusion
Summary: Set 4 months after Dr. No, Miss Money Penny goes on vacation for a month, not before her replacement comes to take over, who is her cousin from America Joan Holloway, and comes across a man who her cousin warned about, but when she is ordered to do a simple task it turns out to be something she never expected to be in.


**Mad Bond**

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Disclaimer: The characters of James Bond is created and owned by someone else, the character of Joan Holloway is created and owned by someone else as this is just for fan fiction purposes only

AN: This is a series of chit chat conversations between James Bond and Joan Holloway, along with some action in the end as this Bond will be a combination of Connery and Brosnan, oh this is a shout out to Darknight18, you wanted it and now you got it, I was thinking of doing it anyway.

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Chapter: 1

 **Just for a month**

 **London, England United Kingdom**

 **Universal Exports: MI-6 headquarters**

 **1962, 0:8:30:0 Am Monday**

 _Just for a month_ thought Joan Holloway as she sat upon the chair in which the oak finish desk looked rather nice despite doing a favor her cousin who has gone on vacation for a month, she did promise her and intends to keep it. When she arrived in London yesterday, as the city itself is different from the one she is used to as the food is different, the atmosphere is different and the people. She knew British men have a reputation in being gentlemen like to the ladies as she found out first hand which the way she likes to be treated as such.

When she came here, in not knowing what she had gotten into she had to sign some forms in which these are classification affidavits in which she never knew her cousin works for British Intelligence of MI-6. So she isn't allowed to mention it to her co-workers back home. She always thought her sister Jane worked for some boring company full of sexist men in which it's name is Universal Exports, she had met a man named Miles Mesvery who is a former Admiral in the British navy and served his time in WW2, her father also served in WW2 so she respect the vets in that war.

Glancing outside for a moment it looked like another rainy day in London and she had found a place to stay at a Flat at her cousins place near Regents park not too far from here, her cousin did mentioned one more thing more like a warning about a man she had known for awhile, more like a flirt as she had encountered many of those as her blue dress and low heeled shoes are appropriate for this kind of office. She hasn't gotten any stares about her large bust as most people made sexual innuendos or sexist remarks about it so far

But men are men and men are pigs, so to her it doesn't matter what part of the world anyway, then the wood door opened as a hat is flung across the room and lands upon the coat hanger that startled her train of thought for a moment as a man walked in. He looked tall about 6 ft 2 190lbs with jet black hair and a blue suit, with black shined leather shoes, a watch is on his right wrist and there is a slight bump shown for some reason to indicate he is armed, he looked rather built and intimidating. Overall she wasn't impressed.

"If you trying out for the Olympics," said Joan "I'd say don't press your luck,"

"I don't believe in luck," said the man "It's all in the wrist and the Olympics is for amateurs….ah so your Miss Money Penny's replacement. Joan Holloway correct,"

"You have me at a disadvantage, Mister…" said Joan

"Bond, James Bond." Said Bond "You can call me James if you like,"

"I prefer to call you Mister Bond," said Joan

James Bond strolled over to the desk as he leaned against it as their eyes met, but she rolled her eyes at him, he just smiled at her

"Just not yet my dear lady," said Bond "Until we get more acquainted,"

"You wish," said Joan "So what do you do here," she asked

"I'm more of a licensed trouble shooter, with a slight inferiority complex," said Bond

"Ah so your more of an errand boy for her Majesty secret service," said Joan

"Hardly, but speaking of secrets I know what America's best kept secret is," said Bond

"And what would that be," asked Joan

"Your killer body," said Bond "Guess you know how to knock them dead,"

Before she could open her mouth the comm. System on the desk buzzed _Miss Holloway send Commander Bond in please_ in which James knew it was time to go in M's office to speak to the old man as he got off the desk and went inside as she looked on in which she might have a challenge with this man.

* * *

 **London, England United Kingdom**

 **Universal Exports: MI-6 headquarters**

 **1962, 0:2:30:0 Pm Thursday**

Joan Holloway is hard at work doing paper work in which she had seen suited men go in and out of Mile's office whose codename is M as he is the director of MI-6. Three days ago James Bond was sent to Paris France, but for what she didn't ask and did her duties in which needed a plane ticket and hotel reservations in Paris, she managed to intimidate the few of the other secretaries to show she is the Queen bee of this office and wondered why her cousin didn't take an approach like she does, then the door opened up in which she looked to see James Bond had walked in.

"Good afternoon Miss Holloway," said Bond "Or you prefer to be called Joan or Joanna,"

"Miss Holloway would do Mister Bond," said Joan "Only my mother calls me Joanna,"

"I see considering her line of work was to help the sick in a local hospital in New York City," said Bond "Joanna"

"It's Joan Holloway," said Joan "Miss Hollo-"

"Speaking of things that are Hollow," said Bond "Did you know in Paris in WW2 there were Hollow trees to hide things to the resistance can fight back against the Nazi's,"

"Now look," Joan's eyes narrowed "I don't know what game your playing, but-"

Buzz the intercom goes off _Mr. Bond can come in now_ _and do hold your temper Miss Holloway_ , _get back to work_

"I prefer cards," said Bond

He grinned as he went into M's office as she really didn't like him now, but she went back to work…. _ugh just one month of this and I am gone_ thought John

* * *

 **London, England United Kingdom**

 **Universal Exports: MI-6 headquarters**

 **1962, 0:1:30:0 Am Sunday**

Joan had a long day in which she worked until the early morning Sunday and so she was about to head home as there is nothing pressing at the moment going on and so she got up from the chair and grabbed her coat as it is kind of windy outside, then the door opened and there he is again. She wished he just stop talking to her, but he found him to be a challenge as the man just doesn't give up and she picked up a few stories about the man in being a womanizer, playboy and all around charmer, other than that she knows very little about him.

James Bond had walked in and there is she again Joan Holloway, she seemed to be uptight and quick to anger like any red-head, but highly intelligent and beautiful. However he doesn't underestimate the opposite sex, considering most secretaries he has encountered except for her and Money Penny are errand girls who jump to this and that, but not her as she can intimidate the other secretaries in MI-6, he found it amusing, but a challenge as she can come off cold like him. In time he wonders if he can warm her heart.

"You look beautiful in that dress." said Bond

"You don't scrub up so bad yourself." said Joan

"Well, it's amazing what one can do with an extra pair of hands." Winked Bond

"Now look," she poked her finger right at Bond's chest "You will never have me and never will,"

"Just not yet my dear," said Bond "Now why don't you run along home and get your beauty rest, before things get ugly in here."

"You son of-"said Joan

He walked away from her as her eyes narrowed at him and she walked out of the office slamming the door.

* * *

 **London, England United Kingdom**

 **Universal Exports: MI-6 headquarters**

 **1962, 0:5:45:0 Pm Wednesday**

Joan had not seen James Bond in three days which it is good and of course the way he talked to her infuriated her non stop with sexual innuendos and lame pick-up lines, she often wondered how her cousin could stand this nonsense Of course he is late with the meeting with his boss and no one has heard from him in three days. She figured he died some where or is with a woman, image of that go through her mind and she felt a little jealous while she sits here, he goes to places that she has never been before.

Then walking in is James Bond who looked kind of tipsy, followed by another man who frequents here a man named Q. They seemed to be in some form of comical argument, until the man named Q told him to grow up and pay attention, after that the man called Q just walked out of the office shaking his head and chuckling as she had seen this a few times

"Hello, Joan" said Bond

"You better go right in. You're late, - even from your own funeral." said Joan

"Well, we corpses have absolutely no sense of timing." said Bond

"Perhaps for you," said Joan "Are you always such a pain in the ass,"

"Considering you have been checking out my ass," said Bond "That would seem to be the understatement of the day,"

"How the hell does my cousin put up with you," said Joan

"It comes with an old British saying," said Bond

"And what would that be," said Joan

"Just keeping the British end up," said Bond

"Ugh…just go," said Joan

She watched him leave

* * *

 **London, England United Kingdom**

 **Universal Exports: MI-6 headquarters**

 **1962, 0:10:00 Am two weeks later**

Joan had not seen him for two weeks which was good, but knowing it won't last long and she had asked the man named M where was James Bond. He only told him he was on an assignment in the South Pacific, but other than that he seemed to be tight lipped about it. She is typing away like always and had done some paper work, along with drinking some coffee. She had missed his charm, but won't admit it to his face, but he is a man and men are all alike.

It was a sunny day in London and rather cool despite a windy night, she rather liked London as there is no traffic jams her unlike New York City and the cab drivers are rather nice, but overall this city pales in comparison to NYC and so she got up to head to the file cabinet to get a file out, she heard the door open and never bothered to look until she felt a slap upon her butt that made her flinch, she turned around to slap who is was, but her hand got caught upon his hand James Bond as he let go

"You know, this sort of behavior could qualify as sexual harassment." said Joan

"Really. What's the penalty for that?" asked Bond

"Someday, you'll have to make good on your innuendos." said Joan "If you do that again I will cut off your balls,"

"Aggressive already, I like that," said Bond "Here this is for you,"

He held bouquet of pink roses and she didn't look impressed, but managed to take them anyway and smelled them as they looked rather nice. At least the thought that counts

"I guess I can say thanks," said Joan

"Now if you'll excuse me," said Bond "Time to meet the old man"

"How was your trip," said Joan

"It was a real blast," said Bond

 **London, England United Kingdom**

 **Universal Exports: MI-6 headquarters**

 **1962, 0:12:00 midnight five days later**

Joan noted that Bond wasn't around, but when he did she seemed to be amused by what he says and almost I mean almost liked it. Wish her co-workers back home could do better in charming her, but then again they are not James Bond. Then M walked out from his office and approached Joan as he has a stern expression upon his face, as Bond always called him the _old man_ for some reason

"Miss Holloway," said M "I have an errand for you to run,"

"What would that be sir," said Joan

"I want you go to Downing Street to pick-up a file from the Minister of Defense and bring it back here on the double," said M "He is expecting you,"

"Understood sir," said Joan

"A car will take you there and back," said M

"Thank you," said Joan

Joan Holloway got her coat and walked out of the office as she headed down a flight of stairs to the garage as a man with a British vehicle is waiting for her as she nodded to him and he nodded back as she got in, then it drives from out of the garage and upon the street for they are headed to Downing street as she will get a file and bring it back to MI-6, simple as that. However unknown to them three men are in a car and follow slowly behind as they have intentions of their own.

* * *

 **London, England United Kingdom**

 **10 Downing Street**

 **1962 0:12:45:0 after midnight**

She is amazed at how clean this place is and well in which this is the place where the Prime Minister of the UK works as she walked in awhile the car is parked across the street on this foggy night that gave her the creeps a little bit as she walked in the office of the Defense minister and got the file that is in a folder marked _For your eyes only_ with the symbol of British intelligence and she walked out of the office as she looked both ways, then heading into the car she sat in the back seat.

She motioned for the driver to get going, but he wasn't doing just that and there is some odd smell in the car, she placed her hand upon his shoulder to shake him but the man slumped to the side and noticed his throat had been slit as he is so much dead and blood is dripping on the floor. She is shocked as she knew she needed to get out of the car as she sees two men approaching from the front and another man approaching from behind as she made a run for it out of the car and ran down the street. They gave chase, brandishing small arm weapons.

* * *

 **London, England United Kingdom**

 **James Bond's flat**

 **1962 0:1:10:0 after midnight**

James Bond is at home in his flat as it had been one of those days and then all of a sudden the telephone rang as he wanted to get some sleep, but never on the company's time and he picked up the phone as he recognized the other voice on the other line.

"Sir, burning the midnight oil," said Bond

"007 I wish it were true," said M "There is a problem; Miss Holloway has not come back with the file."

"I suspect trouble," said Bond

"Indeed rumor has it the KGB is interested in the file and stop at nothing to get it," said M

"Some rumors intend to be true like SPECTRE," said Bond

"Go, do what it takes to find her I will alert the Yardies," said M

The phone conversation ended as Bond grabbed his coat and gun as he headed out to find out what happened.

* * *

 **London, England United Kingdom**

 **10 Downing Street**

 **1962 0:1:25:0 after midnight**

James Bond arrived in his Aston Martin and quickly got out of the car as the Yardies blocked off the place, but Bond saw it as bright as day the driver is dead with a slit to the throat, someone must have gotten to the driver as he heard eyewitness reports of a woman running from three armed men. Not much to go on as he'll start looking and even in a city like London it will take time, but he is determined to find her whatever it takes as he springs into action and drives away to start his search as it won't be easy as things never are.

 **London England United Kingdom**

 **West end**

 **1962 0:2:12:0 after midnight**

She had been running for who knows how long as her clothes are torn from ducking and jumping from one place to another, her breasts are almost exposed and she had lost both shoes, while she held on to the file as she is determined not to let it go and was being shot at, she had never been shot at before. She needed a place to hide as those men are relentless in getting the file and she is getting tired from running in which she found a bombed out old building that still stands from after being hit in WW2.

Then she ran inside and found a place to hide, as she breathes heavy and she is sweating as her adrenalin is running high, along with her red hair being messed up. She watched from the shadows the three men had stopped and spoke to on another in a language she did not understand, but it sounded like Russian and spit up to look for her. As one of them went into the ruined bombed out old building to find her, then all of a sudden a shot was heard and followed by another then silence as the third man yelled in Russian for his buddies but there is nothing.

Then the armed man found her and pointed his gun at her head, he sneered in satisfaction, but suddenly someone came out of no where and tackled the armed man as she saw it was James Bond. Both men struggling with each other as Bond slammed the assassins arm upon his knee to have the man let go of his fun and it does so as it flung across the room as the man landed a punch as Bond stumbled back, then hit him right back in the face and then the man draws out a knife to stab Bond, but he grabbed his arm and tossed him to the ground with a hard thud

The knife goes flying elsewhere and then the assassin does a leg sweep as Bond falls to the ground in which the man tried to choke James by the throat as he head butts the assassin in the face in breaking his nose, then getting up he landed several stiff punches to the gut and then grabbing his head he slams his head against the wall. The man appears to be out cold as Bond went over to Joan Holloway who looked scared and crying as held him in his arms.

He noted such a strong woman and she went through all that to melt her cold heart, he noticed something as he can see a reflection in her eyes and held on to her as he draws out his pistol and fired three shots. The man he had knocked out cold, suddenly got up and was about to shoot at them. Bond shots hit the man twice in the chest and one shot in the forehead. The man died on the spot, Joan looked into his eyes as she didn't see a kind and charming gentleman, but a cold and ruthless killer who killed to save her life.

She had never seen someone die before, well maybe except when her mother showed her around the hospital when she was a child to show her what she does and had seen people sick, but never death. It shook her to the core and Bond just remained emotionless as he carried her in her arms.

"Don't worry I will take you home," said Bond

"Okay," nodded Joan "And James, thank you."

* * *

 **London England United Kingdom**

 **Money Penny's flat**

 **1962 0:4:12:0 early mornings**

James Bond had taken her back to Money Penny's flat and he left to bring the file to M as he understands it was a traumatic experience for her. Then he came back and opened the door, he wondered where she is as the shower is running. He closed the door and went over to check on her in the bathroom as he noticed she is sitting down as the water is running on her nude body and she is trembling, while hugging herself as Bond walked into the shower and didn't cared if he got wet as he sat down with her.

"Is your life always like this," said Joan

"Yes, this is the life I lead," said Bond

"Do you regret killing them," asked Joan

"No, I was doing my job to save you," said Bond

"Thank you," said Joan "Are you always so cold,"

"It's how I survive," said Bond

"Will I be able to recover from this," said Joan

"Only you can answer that," said Bond

She couldn't help it as she kissed him and he returned the favor, in which they made love in the shower as Bond got nude afterwards as moments of ecstasy and lust overridden all judgment, which was transferred to the bedroom as it really got intense for awhile. Joan wondered if she was falling in love with the man, but knows he leads a dangerous life that she cannot be a part of, but understands she is safe at the moment because of him.

* * *

 **London England United Kingdom**

 **Money Penny's flat**

 **1962 0:10:12:0 Morning**

Jane Money Penny had come home early from her vacation as she walked into her flat to see it clean, but found it to be a mess _Uh-oh_ though Penny _did James and her cousin Joan had fun together_ , she had turned off the shower and went to the bed room in which she found them in her sheets, both of them naked and appear to be sleeping as Joan's large breasts are pressed against Bond's hair chest.

"Oh James," said Penny "What will I do without you,"

"You never had me Penny," said Bond

"Back from your vacation already cousin," said Joan

"Yes, is there something I should know," said Penny "Long story on why,"

"Nope," both of them said at the same time

"All right," said Penny "Make some room, I'm joining in."

"I think I've died and gone to heaven," said Bond with a chuckle.

* * *

 **The End!**


End file.
